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[13 May 2008|08:32pm] |
ok just ate chinese food wtf??
i have been doing well--
stablzing at 160, just because i have been too tired to restrict during finals.
i think i might go shower and throw up
im still going to feel like shit though
thinspo: my new boyfriend? (i dont know what to concider him as) is shorter than me (ha yeah i dunno why i am doing that) and also weighs less than me. i really dont like that part. ahh!
i want my chest bones to stick out
best thinso ever
youtube videos<3
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[07 May 2008|06:17pm] |
ok so i cut my bangs today and took some photos.
( meee )
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[07 May 2008|10:27am] |
umm gained a pound because of yesterday. wow.
shoot me in the face
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[06 May 2008|04:56pm] |
really sad. i just ate some cookie cake from my friends bday festivities. and i have a dinner date with my pledge class in an hour, i am really seriously thinking about canceling. i cant do this omggg, i want to cry. i hate my life really really really bad. everyone is out in my common room drinking beer and being all happy celebrating birthdays, and all i want to do is curl up in a ball. wtf.
edit; so i called one of the girls to tell them i was not coming and just started balling. i am not ready for this to seperate me from social situations yet. i wanted to tell her that i was prob just going to throw up the food i was going to order, but i dont want intervention, i am still fat and not even close to what i want. i can just feel this obsession growing and i know how its going to end and im just really not ready for all this pain... :(
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[06 May 2008|09:14am] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
] |
woohoo! 160lbs this morning
so like down 5 this week?
yesterday:
a few bites of my hummus wrap
tuna wrap and a lil bit of a smoothie--but then threw up most of it
beer again hahaha
ahh alex came up to visit me last night from his school!
so cuteee. hopefully i dont ruin this one...
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[05 May 2008|07:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 stressed |
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| [ |
music |
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natasha bedingfield - pocketful of sunshine |
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okay so saturday was amazing.
i went to visit this kid alex that i have been talking to at his school, which is like 35mins away. i was really nervous at first cause i had only really hung out with him once before. but i honestly had the BEST time i've had in a long time. ahh i totally like him. we both have finals now, but his school goes on for a whole week once i'm done, so after my finals are over i am going to go see him again<3 i can't wait
so saturday:
i ate some pretzles and thats ALL! woohoo
plus beer but whatever
sunday:
went to breakfast with alex and got a grilled chicken gyro with onion rings..
later i had a chicken wrap and some fruit
but ended up purging most of the wrap :/
and a latte from starbucks
today:
i will be taking a ritalin to help me do my paper, so hopfully i wont eat a lot
i weighed myself at home and it said i am down to 155?
why is the scale here so different? at like 162?
so confusinggggg
i want my pants to hang loose on me like they used to
ha i like when they are like 2 sizes too big...
but i have a long way to go until i reach that point
xoxo
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[02 May 2008|11:39pm] |
i really want to throw up
ewww
i don't reallyyy want to
but i DO
it's really disturbing how much i love that feeling
too bad its way too late since i last ate to do it
ps: when i saw my mom she said i looked really thin, like 10 pounds less thin! umm but i have not lost weight? at least i dont think so
also: how do i post pix? i totally don't remember how i used to
and my page is ugly. is anyone good with designing lj layouts? i need help big time
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[02 May 2008|07:02pm] |
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mood |
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 embarrassed |
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music |
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ha my roommate is watching an old episode of "are you afraid of the dark" |
] |
blahhh. yesterday i ended up eating two muffins at work. whatever. but i also proceeded to go out with my sorority. worst choice ever. i had taken a ritalin earlier that day so i basically went fucking crazy when i started drinking. my body and drugs dont mix. ahh i did so many terrible and embarassing things i cant even think about it. i called my mom all upset this morning and she is letting me come home for the night to relax and watch movies with her, thank god. i dont need to be around any type of alcohol at school. so thats the plan for now...
today:
hummus wrap with cheese and veggies
a few bites of sampled stuff at work
and then my mom is going to have grilled chicken and a salad ready for me when i come home but will also have a dessert made... oh well, one full meal and treat wont kill me.
no noticed weight loss yet, but if i keep up with all this healthy and balanced meals crap i should be good :)
much love ladies<3
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[01 May 2008|01:08pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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spring fever |
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yayy today is the best day ever!!
i have been working on a semester long group research project... and we had our 30min presentation today in front of the class. WE KILLED IT!!! :) we worked soo hard and it is finally paying off, i would bet money on the fact that we get an A. dream team<3
also...
oatmeal with splenda 200cals
and then i work at starbucks 4-830 so no time for dinner!! i will just sip on non-fat sugar free drinks the whole time haha. afterwards i could go out to my sorority party, but i think i'll skip the cals from beer and save them for tomorrow night... yayyyy life seems pretty good right now.
i am pretty damn special :)
xoxo
keep your chins up ladies!
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[30 Apr 2008|04:33pm] |
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mood |
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stressed |
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| [ |
music |
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the girls i live with |
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today, not too bad.
sushi from wegmans
chicken noodle soup
hot chocolate
anddd school is only 2 more weeks!
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[29 Apr 2008|08:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 aggravated |
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| [ |
music |
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me screaming |
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today-
granola 240cals with soy milk 190cals
half of a starbucks chai latte 120cals
so far: 550, ew its only 8am
edit; southwestern salad and acia smoothie from the dining hall
no clue on the cals.
but i'm def done eating for the day
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[10 Feb 2008|03:20pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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ugh i just purged.
i ordered chinese food with my friends and got steamed broccli and veggie lomein. but i freaking ate all of it. wtf is wrong with me. i feel so sick right now. i went and threw up as much as i could but ended up having a really bad coughing fit in the bathroom. ugh, obv not eating anything else today. i am honestly too sick right now to even go to the gym tonight.... wow the gym is a must for tomorrow.
i feel like shittttttttttt
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[09 Feb 2008|12:23am] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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Nine Inch Nails |
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yayyyyyyy i have lost like 5 or 10 pounds, i cant tell.. all the scales around me are retarted. but i do feel like a million bucks. i have been working out so much, and may actually go run on the treadmill in my basement after i write. i have been eating normal amounts of food but have not pigged out. i LOVE it. people are already noticing a difference. haaa girls in my sorority are asking me how to restrict. i feel special! also going tanning makes me more confident. next weekend is Final Bids for my sorority so we will have a shit load of drunken pics that i can post. i am dying my hair on tuesday also so hopefully i will look kick ass in them :) so i have exactly one week to lose some pounds. maybe just 5lbs. i think i can do it since its the beginning of my restricting and that is when the weight falls off the fastest. obv. tomorrow will be a good day i think.. i have a doc apt at 12 and will prob not eat before then cause i will be able to basically sleep in until its time to go. then i work at starbucks 1:45-7 and can just drink lattes and coffee. then prob gym and dinner with my housemates. woohoo! think thin<3
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[01 Dec 2007|04:50pm] |
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mood |
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thirsty |
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music |
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mickey avelon |
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hmm why do i need to hook up with boys to feel better about myself?
i brought my friend bishoy home with me last night. ugh
we didnt really do anything but i still kissed him and fooled around. boooooo
tonight i have a date party for my sorority!!
i am bringing a kid from my accounting class, should be fun.
and i am not going to bring him home!!!!!!!
today:
hot cocoa with soy milk, 300cals ew
smoothie with a slim down booster, 160cals
pickles, 20cals
ranch rice cakes, 140cals
a plum, 30cals
total so far: 650cals
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[29 Nov 2007|08:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 determined |
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| [ |
music |
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everything |
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today was great!! i went and got my hair done with low lights and had my eyebrows waxed.
i had a venti non fat chai from starbucks
and then around 8 o'clock pm decided i really needed to eat something...
but all i had was a cup of french onion soup with some cheese
and a 'green goddess salad' with ranch dressing.. but i barely ate any of it. weird.
time to do some studying.. this semester's finals are approaching fast!! ah
i took some pictures today
ehhh but i am so afraid to post them
edit; 2 apples...
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[28 Nov 2007|11:38pm] |
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i just read all my past entries.... i was so small then!!! ahhhhh i want it back
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[28 Nov 2007|07:33pm] |
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mood |
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optimistic |
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music |
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Ray L - My Girl Got a Girlfriend |
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sooo today was good!
i talked to my ex boyfriend for like 2 hours.. and it went well
it feels good to be friends with him
all i ate during the day was coffee and grapes
but i went out to dinner with my friends and got a piece of bread, ceasar salad, chicken with muchrooms and cheese, steamed veggies and a twice baked potatoe, then starbucks after for a night cap...
i guess its not that bad concidering what i usually eat...
its a good start!! and thats all i can ask for :)
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[29 Jul 2007|02:18pm] |
so i am back from tampa. it was a greattt vaca
ha minus all the beer & fast food
travel is the worst thing when you are trying to lose weight
i am getting back on track i hope.
today so far only a smartones meal- 390cals
i want to go work out later, but it is soo hard to get on the work out schedule for some reason
think thin <3
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[17 Jul 2007|10:14pm] |
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mood |
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determined |
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here are some photos. ahhh i am so scared to even be putting my fat ass up here...
( f.ugly me )
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[17 Jul 2007|03:26pm] |
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i suck.
it is around 3pm and i have been trying to do a down day on the juddd thingy.
i already messed up.
i was doing great--
2 cups of coffee with skim milk and splenda
rockstar sugar free energy drink (10cals)
slim fast (190 cals)
and then totaly f*d up.
i had 2 pieces of veggie pizza. ahhhhhhhhh
i am so disgusting.
no more food for the rest of the day just more coffee, green tea, and such.
i have not restricted in so long that i feel like i am starving.
i can't wait till eating less is normal for my body.
any tips for resisting temptations?
i need as much advice as i can
it's soo hard getting back into things.
i want to be down to the 140's by the end of the month
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